Reflection

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Looking over the past 3 years of my life, there’s no doubt that I have been hurt and felt betrayed. But I have learned to live with it and not deal with it, as matter of fact I have avoided the situation altogether. I have swept it under the rug. Every now and again it resurfaces and I start to runaway again. That’s obviously not working to well as wounds that I thought were healing feel as if someone poured alcohol on the open wound. That stinging sensation that occurs that makes you focus more on the wound. All these years I have been focusing on the wound and not the healing process. The healing process is not to forget what you have been through but to guide you not to repeat the process. Hopefully after we get hurt whether its getting burned or scraping our knees, that we enter the next phase of our lives with caution. Its not to avoid the whole situation because the situation will always send you reminders of what has happened. The reminders are the blemishes and scars left behind that when we look at it, it tells a story. Remember that life happens for us not to us.

Psalm 34:18  The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

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Meaningless

What does this mean to you?

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

These vows that you recite when you get married means nothing these days, it is taken for granted. Marriage is a union that is forever at least it used to be that way, it seems that when things get too hard we tend to bail out of the relationship.

Ecclesiastes 4:9: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?”

and

Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

But it does not say that after you get married and life happens you bail out of the relationship. I lived my life for my family, I helped cook and clean, helped with the girls as much as possible. I wasn’t the perfect husband as matter of fact I was far from perfect but I loved my family. I had anger issues and I was comfortable in my job. which was a recipe for disaster. I don’t blame my ex for what she did but could have gone about it differently. She did not communicate other than I did not know how to speak with people. She repeated it enough I believed it and I avoided conversations with people. It affected my job at this point because instead of lifting me up and giving me encouragement she tore me down where my self esteem was at its all time low and lost my job several times doing customer service for a few different companies because the person I loved did not believe in me. She refused to listen to my ideas and called my ideas idiotic and I could not make any decisions. All this I realize we are not perfect and I accepted her flaws but she did not accept me for who I was and Gods purpose for me. 3 years after we are separated and I am still struggling to find my purpose. I am still scarred from all the words spoken over me. I have gotten better and have invested in myself but its a work in progress. It hasn’t been an easy road especially she has done everything in her power to keep me down. all I can do is forgive her and move forward and this quote comes to mind: “If you love something, let it go. If it returns, it’s yours; if it doesn’t, it wasn’t.”    -Richard Bach